God is a control freak...only in the best possible way. Despite the fact that God likens his children to his flock, He does not want us to follow Him blindly and without thinking. He wants us to surrender our need for control over to Him and trust Him completely. What He does want is for us to trust Him and in His plan for us. He wants us to know His voice when we hear it, and to know without a doubt that We are in His will.
I believe God gives us every opportunity to place our trust in Him but,
sometimes He has to lead us to a place where we have no choice but to trust Him. I have generalized anxiety and for 5 years had been doing well on my current medication, but was beginning to struggle again. I had felt God calling me to ch
ange my anti-depressant for a long time, years in fact, but was scared of the side effects as I transitioned meds. I had changed my meds when I became pregnant with my second child and it was terrible as I waited for one medication to kick in before the other metabolized out of my system. I had 5 months of morning sickness, which I know now was intensified by the change in meds. But fear, clammy hands, stomach churning, paralyzing fear had made me tell the Lord, “ I will, just not now.” FOR YEARS. I also knew that someday, I would eventually have to give in and change my medication, but I needed to feel some degree of control of my life, and despite the fact that I knew intellectually changing meds would help me so much, my heart could not do it; I could not trust the Lord with this. How silly I was. How stubborn I was. How un-trusting I was.
Well God decided to turn my world upside down and help me come to Him with this matter. You see, all of a sudden because of the economy, and other
issues my husband was seeing the writing on the wall at his job, and knew it was only a matter of time before he was let go after 16 years with this company. So my husband and I decided to start a business of our own to keep him employed. In the process of starting up this business, I was so low emotionally, that I started seeing a therapist which helped, but I heard God’s voice tell me clearly and firmly that now was the time to change my medications. And I told God that now was “the absolute worst time to do this”. Seriously, did he not see what was going on in my life? 3 kids, starting a business with no back up income, and did I mention I was also the morning leader of our church’s women’s ministry as our church went through some very rough times.
Yep, this was definitely not the time to do this. But God took my hand and spoke to gently to me and said, “Carol this is the perfect time to do this, because you are so low, you have nothing to lose, and so much to gain.” I really had no choice, as my way was not working. So I leapt, right into God’s waiting arms and trusted in Him on this. And the transition went so smoothly, that I asked myself why I had suffered for so long…
It was because I did not want to give up my sense of control. I felt that I could do this on my own: I did not want to trust God to take over. God does not take over; God takes our hand and says “Let’s do this together, my child, and I will be with you every step of the way.”
Trust the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding and
He will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
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